The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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