NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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