this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize