what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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