Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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