i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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