Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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