you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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