ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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