To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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