dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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