If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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