He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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