the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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