did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize