The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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