i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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