he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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