shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
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Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize