we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize