You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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