Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize