three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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