she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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