My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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