Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize