What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
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Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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