I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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