I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize