...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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