Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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