So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize