I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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