you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Non-Jews are for practice
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize