It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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