We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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