"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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