We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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