i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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