There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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