so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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