I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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