and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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