highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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