When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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