so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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