I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize