I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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