I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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