I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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